We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
