How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
