Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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