I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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