Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
