As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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