it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
