wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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