Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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