Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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