no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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