how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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