It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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