Someone shit on the floor
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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