It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
