my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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