here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
