you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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