There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
