I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
