Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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