Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
