Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
