i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
