so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
