question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
