You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
