We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
