I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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