Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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