did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You were trust falling into bushes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
