Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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