Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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