All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
