My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
