and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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