did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize