everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
