I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
