just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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