The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
