I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
