Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
