I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There's always time for handjobs
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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