Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail