I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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