she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
