Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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