Redeem this text for a blowjob
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
