dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
