i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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