Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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