I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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