Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
