Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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