i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
