I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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