there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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