Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
