1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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