I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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