I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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