No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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