Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
