I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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