Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So vagazzling was a success
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
