No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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