Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize