I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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