I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
