why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
