I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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