you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
