How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
