Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
